so damn angry wif myself todae.. i dunno y.. but some times i reali feel tt i jux a piece of junk living on the Earth wasting it's resources..*pull hair pull hair* living in the world is reali hard.. everything oso veri hard.. hard to study.. hard to work.. hard to travel.. hard to do thing i reali want.. hard to fulfil dreams.. even want to die oso hard.. y izt so hard.. i jux wanna be a simple gal living a simple life.. is tt veri hard to fulfil too?? facing the real world is a real challenge.. facing my frenz.. families.. colleagues.. everyone.. facing all of the ppl i mention above reali give me lots of stress.. in front of all them i mux oni carry a smile on my face.. but who reali noes how i feel inside of me?? everybody expect me to understand them.. treating them even better.. but who can understand me?? got problems?? joyce may be the first name they can think of.. cos i'm someone tt is worry-free.. but how do they noe?? mux be thinking y i dont tell all of the ppl rite?? but even if i tell them wat can they do?? they have their own problem to bother.. who will have the time to notice me?? wen they have problems.. they'll have a shoulder to cry on.. no matter who.. no matter if they have a beau.. or if their beau is wif them.. cos i'll always be there for all of them.. is a promise tt i've made to them.. but who's there for me?? there wasnt a shoulder for me to lean on and cry.. u may think tt all this is wat i deserve rite?? but to me i tink i shouldnt give others trouble.. cos i'm lucky enough..

but how long can a person last?? wif all the problems kept to urself?? moreover i'm a gal.. i may look strong on the outside.. but my internal world in brittle.. ppl jux hurt me without knowing.. some nights i sleep wif tears.. but how many of those ppl who sae they know me quite well noes tt?? all i can sae is.. u don noe me at all.. i may appear wif a smile on my face but tt doesnt mean tt i am reali happy.. frm young i am known to ppl as a happie go lucky gal.. worry-free.. always laughing.. always happie.. but i always keep things to myself.. i jux feel tt i might be too much a burden to some ppl tt's y i rather keep all the thing i noe to myself.. wen my heart is bleeding how many knows?? less than 2.. haix..

i think i've tok too much on my own personal feelings.. let me think if i've got sth happie to tok abt.. hmmm.. well todae i've got IS.. i went to sch.. while waiting for my fwen to come.. i saw 3 ppl.. one of them is yuyan.. but i neva call her.. cos u noe.. whenever she saw she cant control herself.. everytime she will jump on me.. and she will start being veri whinny.. which is like so not her lor.. but wen i think back.. i think the oni person who will like her for who she is will oni be meng hwee.. hahas.. dunno do he still have any feeling for her.. actually.. she should count herself lucky.. cos not everyone like the way her work or she reacts wif the problems she is facing.. she should learn to appreciate meng hwee.. now tt both of them is studying in different sch.. is so hard for them to meet up.. how i wish someday she will realise the exsitence of meng hwee.. other den yuyan.. i saw jj too.. but not tt i saw him lah.. i saw waiting for my fwen.. and she's late.. i've got nothing to do.. so i sat dere listened to my music and daze lor.. he walk past me den he waved at me.. i tio shock.. i tot who the heck was tt.. hahas.. i guess the other time i sae he for being not friendly tt's y he waved to me todae.. hahas.. and the veri veri last person i met was someone tt i don wish to see the most.. seeing him=unlucky 2 wks.. suai arh.. of all ppl i see him.. and u noe wat color shirt he wear?? a red color shirt.. wah.. tt's like veri eye catching lor.. tt's y i spotted him.. hahas..

writtern @11/13/2007 08:56:00 PM

time reali pass tt fast.. it's been more than a mth since i first step into haagen dazs.. times i have dere quite fun.. but the most unexpected is going to happen soon.. i've got this feeling tt situation will happen frm the day i got my job..

i rmb in my previous posting i did mention tt i'm in love wif one of the guy.. but..

to tt guy i've memtioned: recently.. i found out tt i'm oni ur backup.. someone tt allows u to fall back on.. tt hurts me wen the news come to me.. no one will exactly noe how i feel.. frm the start i didnt plan to hide my feelings.. i've been truthful to u.. trying my best to love u.. but.. but u're so temperate towards me.. u could be so caring towards me at a moment.. but the nxt moment.. u're so cold towards me.. when u nd my comfort to cover ur emptiness in ur heart.. u'll treat me so well.. if not.. u'll treat me as though nothing has happen.. well.. i'm a gal too.. i might look as if i could handle everything even if the sky falls.. but who noes how am i in the inside.. i might break down if this goes on.. i'm a gal!! i nd to be loved, pampered and cared too.. tis relationship is too hard for me to cling and continue.. i'm not a tool tt could b used over and over again to cover u emptiness.. i hate to sae tis.. but for now.. i've gotta go my own way.. i nd to be alone for a period of time.. tis may take a year or two.. during tis period of time.. it might be hard for me to walk alone.. but isnt tis better den both of us(.. or i should sae me )to be struggling in tis agony.. u may feel nothing.. but i still have to tell u tt i'm sorrie....... frm now onwards till the nxt time we meet..(or maybe not..) i'l try to avoid meeting u as much as i did in the past.. actually.. thinking back.. i guess it wasnt too bad too for u and serene to get tgt.. both of u made a perfect couple... i truly give u two my blessings..

i guess i feel a little better after getting tis matter off my chest.. but i still feel a little upset.. but wat can i do.. tt's my fate i guess.. others can sae lots abt how cutee they feel i am.. they can flirt wif me.. but wound still takes time to recover.. as i've injred sooooo deeply.. i guess tis might take months or even year for me to recover.. wat to do.. i'm always a fool when it comes to relationship..

writtern @11/05/2007 07:56:00 PM